Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Its funny how people think Christians should somehow be perfect and do everything right! After I was saved, believe me, even though the Lord took away a lot of the bad desires I had and began to replace them with good ones, I was far from being perfect! In fact if you looked up stupid in the dictionary at that time you would have seen a picture of Pam right beside it! I was not very wise at all, had made numerous bad decisions, and I was very immature and selfish. I ran away from all my problems and never toughed things out, and that is where you grow and mature in life, even as a non Christian. So, when I got saved I had a long way to go to even catch up to most people who were 40! So don't ever be too hard on one another, because we are all at different stages and some of us are way behind! Anyway, I still made a couple of bad decisions as a Christian but the Lord brought me through those because of his wonderful grace. In 2003 He got me all alone for the first time in my life. No husband, no boyfriend, no children, (they were living an hour away), no money, no nothing. I lived in a house in the country where it was very dark and very lonely, and I cried a lot on my knees as the Lord spent 16 months working out a lot of the junk that was in me. It hurt, it was hard, I kept telling Him I wasn't going to make it, but guess what? By his grace I did. The Word got me through. I kept believing it more than what I saw. After 16 months a job opened up where my kids live, I moved close to them, found a church with wonderful friends, and settled in to watch all my dreams of the family coming back together materialize! I just knew that was what God was doing, restoring my family! That had been my prayer. I had even memorized the entire chapter of Isaiah 61 to declare this was going to happen! I declared it, and I just knew it was from the Lord! So the first couple of years I waited, getting upset because things were not happening, in fact, they were getting worse as the girls got older and became teenagers! This dream was so embedded in me, and such a part of my life that I could not think of anything else! That is all I wanted. So as the years passed by, (it has been 4 since I have been here) I watched as the dream just slowly faded away. In all honesty, I wish it was that way, but I kicked and screamed and begged God over and over to restore my family!! Threw temper tantrums! Remember, don't look at Christians as being perfect!!! And especially me!! But you know what, eventually God began to take that desire from my heart and one day I realized I didn't have it before God. I had God first, and I had no idea of what He wanted to do with me, none. In fact, my prayer at the end of 2008 was that He would show me what He wanted me to do, or where He wanted me to go in 2009. So that brings us to this blog and the past couple of weeks of my life. I do know one thing for certain, Isaiah 61 wasn't meant for the restoration of my family, it was meant for the restoration of me. God is good my friends, God is good.

2 comments:

Tiffany Stuart said...

I'm on your side. I've walked the healing road from my past abortion. I now stand free in Christ. Forgiven and fully known and loved by God. I wish you the best as you share your story to help others.

LisaShaw said...

Pam, my dear friend and yours, BethNC asked me to pop over when she read my testimony on one of my blogs and I was happy to come on over.

Tiffany who commented above is also another sweet friend of mine in blog land. We've both walked that healing road. I too took the life of my precious baby over 17 years ago by way of an abortion. I was married and a Christian who was operating in lack of faith and increase of FEAR --but for the grace, love, mercy, forgiveness, healing and wholeness in Christ we would be LOST!

I am looking forward to standing with you in the FIGHT FOR LIFE and bringing women and men to healing in Christ.

Lovingly in Christ..